My cousin's representation of my feelings for Narcissistic Twitter Users

Google defines "Pandemic" as an epidemic that is geographically widespread; occurring throughout a region or even throughout the world; and for those of you who don't know what epidemic means, start reading the dictionary and don't stop until you vaguely remember what your own name is.

Back to Pandemic, now the reason I am using this word is because this next rant is about something that is bigger than facebook groups, bigger than events and that is the typical narcisstic asshole that resides in our already dysfunctional society. However, this particular asshole (or assholette) has a new way of spreading love for themselves, and that's via Twitter!

Now, first of all I'd like to point out that I am no one to talk. I use Twitter a lot, Hell it's linked to my Facebook Account and whenever I post on this Blog it updates my Twitter account as well but what separates me from the narcissistic majority of Twitter users is that my posts don't involve tedious little things like a few I have come across on a daily basis. Hell, I started an App on Facebook for Twitterers and Twitterettes so I know what it's like and they just flock to it like it's the fountain of stupidity and they just keep on drinking and I am more than happy to let them, at 1000 visitors a piece I make a pretty penny and I get a fair amount of pretty pennies! So it serves me at the end of the day for financial reasons, not the kind of reasons that involve getting too many hugs from my parents (or not enough of them at all).

It is true, most of these people 'tweet' about the most pointless of shit I have ever unintentionally laid my eyes on! If I could send them an invoice for the time I have wasted I would, but frankly Twitter doesn't let me send them a direct message or a reply because a lot of narcissistic fucks complained when someone would back talk to them. Now, Twitter has made it so that if you happen to follow the person (because you thought they had interesting shit to say, not stuff about what colours their shoes are daily) and they don't follow you, you cannot say "Hey moron, I don't give a damn!". All you can do is stamp your feet, keep the message as a reminder and when someone unintentionally reminds you about it, rant your bloody guts out (which is what I am doing because, I just found out via Twitter that someone just ate KFC!)

My idea of an Interesting thing to put on Twitter!

There's one chick I know who posts every forty-five minutes without fail. Hell, I am sure she has posted about what she is doing right this second! I give her some credit though because If she was to post, I don't know something interesting like "My Girlfriends and I are having a pillowfight in our lingerie and going to Livestream it soon" I would totally dig that and retweet it to all my male friends because my god, I gotta know that! not "I am Tweeting to much" -- Jumping Grandma on a Stick! Really!? I didn't know! Thank you for tweeting it after your twelfth consecutive appearance on my Feed! Can you let someone else Tweet now or are you good for another fifteen more?

All in all, I believe Twitter has a purpose to play. It's why I use it and why I endorse it too all my mates (mates who I trust not to be glued to it posting needless shit). Hell, I used Twitter during an armed robbery at McDonalds and I believe it assisted in someway to alert the community; The cops found them and although a username wasn't mentioned, apparently someone saw a Tweet and they remained on the look-out and saw someone fleeing the area. That airline crash in the Hudson River over at New York, America -- The news of that came first from a passenger who used his Phone to post a Picture on TwitPic/Twitter!; Now that meets my criteria of Interesting!

So those narcissistic bastards out there, I want to know. What the fuck motivates you to tell me what you are doing every fifteen minutes? Seriously? I don't think anyone on/in/beyond the fucking planet cares that you are watching the Price is Right or Deal or No Deal. Get the fuck off your laptop and/or mobile phone and make a phone call if you want to tell someone what you are doing, this way, only one unlucky fucker has to listen to your bullshit. God forbid you have conference call because then you might just kill two people's afternoons in one swoop! Sweet Mary, Mother of Christ!

So please use Twitter for what it was designed for and that is the sharing of interesting information in quick 140 character messages. Keep Twitter on Stand-by the next time your flying in an Airplane or in a McDonalds Restaurant, you might just be the first to break the news of the event to the public. Watch your sheep-- I mean, followers grow then!

Ranting... It's a good way to look important.

So the first "seven (7) day standard" week of the year has finally come to an end and things are looking promising. Unfortunately in those short seven days (plus three (3) if you include the first, second and third) I have become so annoyed that I founded a blog for the pure simple fact of having another method of getting out there and telling it like it is. Not to say that it doesn't provide any community benefit either; it provides fuel for people who like to argue even if they don't agree with what they are saying or just have no clue what the fuck they are talking about. It also works to point out things to people who are oblivious to the world around them and that some shit is just annoying or "hide" and/or "accept" the fact that, that's just the way things are.

Well, I hope I can change the latter's opinion or way of thought, and I think that's possible because like dogs, Humans can be trained. Just look at Tom Cruise!

So before I get sued on by Scientology, let's touch up on some of the things I ranted on about:

Cars on the Freeway being aggressive mother fuckers

There are some pricks who just don't know when to calm down and follow the bloody law. Not that it's always right but in this case it really is correct but these bastards are either too keen on increasing our nation's death toll or just trying to look like studs in front of their girlfriends (or boyfriends if that's the way they roll) and making the rest of us look like Grandma drivers in comparison! Also, While we on the topic of dangerous driving, Put away the fucking mobile phones -- I don't have enough appendages on my body to physically count how many cars I have seen speeding whilst the driver was on the phone and to add insult to injury, in plain view.

Buy a hands-free or pull the fuck over!

Babies on Airplanes

They maybe Life's greatest accomplishment. The Human, but when it's in pre-adult stage (baby to teenager) they sure can be bloody annoying, especially when you are flying at 15,000ft. Jesus, can't their parents give them a bloody dummy so that they got something to help them with their ears? Hell it would shut them up too as a side bonus! I came back to New South Wales on the 5th of January and my god, I was just so happy when the airliner started serving drinks, not only because If It was getting to much I could drown myself in Alcohol but because it meant I could equip my noise-cancellation earphones (and I didn't have my iPhone on me so I just used them to cancel the noise out). God I hate babies on Planes, anywhere else they are cute;

When they're asleep ofcourse.

Facebook Event/Group Spam

Oh god, Oh my god. As I type this, I have just received over 4 notifications from my Hotmail. I am too scared to go to my inbox because I know if I see "Under 18's" or "The dislike button is finally here" I will freak out, Jump through my window and run to the nearest living thing, and kill it. I just cannot deal with this shit anymore. People need to learn to stop inviting me to shit and stop joining idiotic groups. If I wanted to go to that event, I would have had free pass to be there or got my mates too hook me up. If I wanted to get a dislike button, I wouldn't because it's just not bloody going to happen -- Just delete the person! You don't have to dislike their status, what kind of friend are you anyway?

Don't spam me, Please! I will attempt to kill you with the power of my thoughts!

Indians vs. Australians (The Media Shitstorm)

The Indian Media has managed to sterotype that all Australians are Racist against Indians and they just blatantly continue to stir more crap. Well here's the kicker, That's not fucking true no matter how much it seems so. Granted I do not like 'select' Indians for reasons beyond race but I do not like Australians either for similar reasons. Some Australians are bloody idiots and lazy bastards, Indians make a lot of food that I can't digest without a Toilet in a 200m radius, turn up at my door and try to get me to move over to some Energy company I never even heard of!  but it doesn't mean I am intolerable or would treat them any different if they came to me for help or vice versa -- Now the Indian media has pretty much (as politcally correct as they could) labelled the Victorian Police of Australia as members of the Ku Klux Klan, First of all Mr. Indian Media, The Ku Klux Klan is an American group who are against African Americans and anything else that manages to piss them off -- You are not making yourselves believable with the way you've done your research and Second of all, Just because an Indian bloke dies doesn't meen it was a Racially motivated crime. Just like that Aussie who shot that Indian guy who pissed on the streets. If I saw the same guy pissing on my streets, Indian or not, I am going to kick his ass so give him a charge about causing bodily harm, not attempted murder. Because right now, I am going to label that as Revenge.

In the mean time, feel free to hand over the guy who killed someone while Drink Driving and skipped the country on bail using his mate's passport. Don't act like you know who I am not talking about... Give us Puneet Puneet! The bloody coward.

Summary

So all in all it's been a fucked week with no sign of slowing down. The Media has a pole shoved up it's ass as tensions between Australia and India increase to a new high and it's not involving Cricket which is a first. Facebook keeps getting more bloated with useless groups and idiotic event spammers and Road users continue to be a pain in my ass. It's going to be a loooong 2010!

Just when I thought Facebook couldn't piss me off anymore

You know, I thought I was done (atleast for the week) ranting about Facebook, but there's only so many idiotic and useless --even down-right confusing-- group invitations and very suttle announcements on my Live Feed [E.g. <moron> has joined the group <insert idiotic group name with each letter capitalized each new word>] before I again have to vent and cry out before I go Postal and start shooting all the PCs in a 2km radius. Now before I had this blog, I have vented at various points in time. Those of you who might follow me on Twitter (insert shameless plug here - @augrunt) will have had the pleasure of experiencing these first hand but it still hasn't caused the change of mentality I had hoped for... Idiots continue to be just that, Idiots.

I have ranted, I have tried to teach (I made a Facebook Group dedicated to the awareness of useless/idiotic groups) yet my Live Feed continues to eat away at my patience. It makes me think, what is it that actually makes them join said groups? Is it the promise of being a part of breaking a record that doesn't even have the support of said record keepers? or the promise of new features that is not available to the majority of Facebook users such as the Dislike button (as much as I want it, it doesn't exist people!) or even the possibility of having a new theme to separate your profile from the vast uniformity that everyone else is subjected to? or could it simply be --if we apply Occam's razor -- that they are just idiots?

Whatever the reasons, people must understand (or atleast try to) the other popular idiom that actually goes against Occam's Razor and that is If it's too good to be true, it usually isn't true. There is no magical group out there that can give you special permissions or abilities (unless it's an App and even then it's pretty limited -- you can't change a whole site layout with a limited and restricted API like Facebook's). So stop joining these groups!

Let me break away off topic for a bit to actually illustrate how humanity never ceases to amaze me -- Back in 07 when I used to work for (don't kill me!) Telstra -- Specifically the now defunct Trading Post Paper, I would get people ringing me telling me about how they got scammed out of $5,000 ~ $8,000. Now, I wasn't customer service but when these calls happened to spill over to me 1 out of 10 of them were regarding scams. Now get this, they would throw $5,000+ without question or scrutiny to people who would advertise a near-new 2006 Toyota Camry [valued at $28,000] via Good-Luck-Getting-a-Refund Western Union (mistake #1). Some of these people would get the money together by getting Loans and get this, they hadn't even seen the car yet (mistake #2), They just took the guy's word that he was selling it from England (mistake #3). I would be gob-smacked and too the amazement of my Team Leader and workers who happened to be seated next to me, I would usually (always) question the customer's intelligence and would always ask what they were thinking.

The best one I had was when this guy was so convinced I was trying to scam him out of a good deal by telling him to ignore it. It was like he didn't wish to comprehend it was a scam, It was a $12,000 BMW 2007 model. He did the right thing by ringing up (I guess his smarter more intelligent friends told him to call) but he would not listen to me, telling me "I was wrong" -- Let me point out though, the ad followed a typical scam template and he was, yep! you guessed it! Based in England trying to get rid of the car before his "wife" divorces him. I had to stress to him repeatedly and only when I threatned him and gave him the idiom I like to live by, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is" did he finally admit defeat. He really, really wanted that car and that scammer was so close to getting a big fat untraceable $12,000.

Back to topic. You might say to me, "Mate, your all wrong. I would scrutinize $12,000 but facebook groups don't warrant that much scrutiny" and I will look at you like a cow looks at an oncoming train. Who's worried about the money, pal? Too be honest I can recouperate $12,000 if I ever lost it. I might have to work my ass off for 2 years and cut costs but it can be done. However, the pride and humiliation of being outsmarted or tricked? I can't replace that -- not as easily as the money. So when you do join your stupid group that promises you the ability to give you 500+ more friends. You just publically advertised you got done in, you might not have lost anything, you might have just inconvinienced yourself but-- Too the eyes of many, most importantly, me. You have just lost a bit of respect in our eyes and its the people like you that encourages these crafty con-men and con-women to keep advertising their brand new cheap cars and keep on creating groups to clutter my Live Feed and get rid of the important announcements, Like someone finding a poor baby lamb for my farm.

I hate useless facebook groups... I might just create a group about how much I hate groups, that will show them -- That will show them all!

Victorian Police as depicted by R. Prasad

By now we have heard about it either on the Radio, TV or Online through News Sites or even Twitter and Facebook, not to mention the 10's of 100's of associated fan pages. And Yes! For the Grandpa's and Grandma's (or just Anally attentive), I left Newspaper out on purpose; Who reads the Newspaper? My grandpa has a bloody iPhone for goodness sake--

So, what have we heard? The Unspeakable! The stuff you thought was beyond all possibility... Some Australians do not like Indians. Forgive me for speaking out on our wonderful Media (both Australian and Indian alike) for doing their quite obviously thorough investigative reports that have made Australians even more reluctant to call Telstra's Support Line --but! What the fuck else is new?

Indians and Australians have an amazing relationship if you count the amount of times one or the other has been in each other's country (and let's for a moment exclude Long Distance Calls so that it's fair but don't exclude Cricket because than we have no chance of comparison). This relationship is further fueled by the fact that India has one of the biggest populations on the planet for the size of it's mainland, and that's pretty damn impressive (and unfortunate, have you seen the traffic jams over there? It makes me driving to the City for work at peak hour seem like a Midnight Drive on a weekend!) and because of this, it's population has spilled over onto neighbouring countries, but let's focus on Australia.

Australia, the home of many many ethnicities, races and beliefs. It's also the home of many great universities and really, that's no secret. Universities in Australia are well renowned all across the globe and they are easy (depending on how rich you are) to get into! Now, because of this Indians like to take these (for the idiots out there) magical things called "Student Visas" and visit Australia to study and take advantage of these great offers and opportunities and that kinda ticks many people off, and by many I mean the many unemployed who were to lazy to amount to anything other than a dole bludger. Now, what Mr. Dole Bludger doesn't understand is that it's perfectly legal and OK for them to be here and more so, it's a good thing for them to be here. They bring money that they earn doing jobs that most of us wouldn't want to do (Visit your Local Fast Food Giant to see what I mean) and help pump money into this other magical thing called "the Economy" which helps pay for, yep! you guessed it! Mr & Mrs Dole Bludger's Dole.

Now back to the racism thing, It's not suprising to know that many people dislike many other's for a number of reasons which could include but not limited to their colour, their culture or just the way they talk! and that's wrong, but I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't hate it when Indians ring me up on the phone, it's not them. It's the fact I can't understand them and that they try so hard to get me to listen but I just can't deal with it! I am sure they hate me for it too and that's fine! This whole blog is founded on the idea that Hatred can be applied just about anywhere but the big difference is where Ignorance is applied. Right now, that majority of ignorance is being used to label Australians as uncaring racially motivated pricks who do not care about Indian Students and that's absolute bullshit.

The Police are doing their job and hunting down for whoever killed that young student but it doesn't mean they are going to form a lynch mob and systematically seek him out! We honestly don't know who the hell killed him and we are all, mind the pun, dying to find out! But everything and everyone is entitled to due process and I will be happy once they get this racially motivated or otherwise, murdering fuck off our streets. India is not making things any easier with their demands! and when they make demands, mistakes are made and people get scared of prosecuting the wrong person or that evidence might have been tampered. Now, Australia ain't immune to this either, Remember that Chappelle Corby chick? Australia got involved to heavily and Indonesia did a great thing by ignoring them, hell it's probably what made the investigation get rushed and key evidence 'might' have been missed but in any case, a crime was commited on their soil and they need to prosecute them using their legal system, not a country who has no idea and is too soft on drug runners.

Also pointing that out, India is guilty in my eyes of being a hypocrite. An Indian national recently committed a murder and used his friend's passport to escape Australia to Indian soil. Australia has asked the Indian authorities to extradite him to Australia so that he can be charged and sentenced for the murder of an Australian citizen. Has that been done yet? Absolutely not -- even though we know he did it and he left the country illegally! Talk about Fairness and Justice? We know who the hell he is, Just hand him over!

My biggest beef is that really, Australia shouldn't even give Indians any guarantees of safety whatsoever, or any person of any culture - Even Australian. What should be guaranteed is that Australian Law will be maintained and enforced and that all will be prosecuted under it, regardless of who's from where and if their country actually gives a hoot enough to make noise about it (Take Note on this Australia, Chappelle wasn't fucking worth it! We wasted tons of Tax Payer money to defend a guilty woman who had the guts to blame someone else, or was just too stupid to use a Luggage Lock like the rest of us).

Bottom line is, Everyone takes a risk when they go to a country that isn't their own and it's unfortunate this has to be the case. I am honestly frightened to go to India, especially since a guy was recently arrested for Attempted Murder for shooting an "air gun" which isn't really lethal at a guy urinating in his street in plain view. Seriously? Attempted Murder? -- If I was him and I knew I was going to get done in for Attempted Murder for shooting an air rifle at a guy's arm who's pissing on my street, I would have just went down there and confronted him with my fists. In Australia that would be a minor assault charge that might get dropped in favor if Provocation was a factor. I just can't help that because he was Australian they arrested him and put the harshest charge they could pin on him... Meanwhile in Australia, we have Indian cab drives sexually assaulting Women and Children. Do we give them harsh charges similar in jail term like Attempted Murder? No but I wouldn't be happy either if I suddenly saw more charges than necessary on him just because he's Indian and all this torrential bullshit is occuring in the Media and on that note. Our Law is way too linient for these kinds of things anyway, I hate reading the news all the time because I see "Rape" this and "Sexual Assault" that... It's just fucked but that's a rant for another time.

So Indians and Australians, Let us not dwell on the fact that I can't understand you and hate it when you come to my door to sell me "a fantastic product" or that I'm "paying too much" on long distance calls. Let's just agree that when you come over here you get the best that your country could not offer to you in terms of Education and Opportunities because sooner or later you will be making crap loads off of the people who sought to put you down in a country where everything is available to you, regardless of ethnicity (unless your Aboriginal, than your typically fucked)  that together we all benefit in the long run. I can't tell you how many times my Indian family GP has saved me or my family and how thankful I am that he is here. I don't trust Australian doctors and with good reason! One of them stabbed me with a needle when I told him I'd pay him after the operation. Needless to say when I passed out in pain, he notified my mother there was complication in Surgery unless he received his money, Good times. I hate him so much!

In short, People die everyday in every country of all sorts of Ethnicities whether through intentional or unintentional means. It's a risk no matter where you are or what country you are in. All we can do is be more aware, more alert and more respecting of one another, I'd take an Indian Student over an Unemployed Australian Moron anyday -- I have some good Indian mates also, especially a good one who I met at a McDonalds. They are good blokes, Give em a chance. Oh and Bring on Chemical Castration and Harsher Penalties/Jail Terms. I also wish both countries Good Luck in the Cricket, A sport which I positively hate! We must all take note, Our Indonesian bretheren are on to something in terms of the harshness of Law (as the Bali 9 are now well aware of).

I invite you to comment if you agree with me or have a different view. I also would like to point out that I am not a racist at all, I hate everyone equally including my own ethnicity. We are so fucking lazy I swear, I bet I won't even finish this sent--

Sums up this article quite nicely!

Facebook, It's a beautiful thing really. Started back in February 2004 by some university student it has propelled itself into the World's most frequented #1 Social site. Everyone from your neighbour to your boss have either heard of, if not used Facebook -- and yes even your dear great grandma who pretended to be senile just to get some more FarmVille time. But there's one type of species of human that I detest, more so than your FarmVille hacking Grandma. Haven't

guessed which yet? It's Event Promoters...

Event Promoters are sort of like the Scum of the Earth but they so happen to be armed with a computer and a very large ego, they know what's hot (even if we think otherwise) and they know Facebook is popular. They even know that some people who might not even know them will accept their friendinvite request (since they are Friend Whores and want to get a bigger e-penis or more appealing e-vagina -- sometimes both!)  and because of this, little does the unwitting (or knitwit) Friend Whore know that by clicking Yes --and violating Facebook's initial goal and perhaps even some Terms of Usage policy-- that they have opened up a doorway for spam and the inevitable requests to become Fans of some band or DJ you never even heard of let alone happen to frequent the country you reside in. Oh yes, Welcome to Eventbook!

I cannot possibly count the amount of event invitiations I receive daily and the amount of times I have to click Delete on my Email Account because of said Invites. Sure you could just turn the email notifications off, but that defeats the purpose of what the notifications are for, and that is to be notified. For example, one of my friends might have a birthday coming up, and I'd wanna know about it, not that I intend on going (because she so happens to piss me right off and I can't stand her annoying voice) but that's besides the point. The point is, These event promoters are ruining my enjoyment by force feeding me these invites to events that either don't interest me, or don't apply to me... The amount of "Ladies Night Only" and "Under 18's" I get is astonishing, and unfortunately (or fortunately from my perspective) I don't meet the criteria. Not to say that if someone were to invite me to a "Man's Night Only" id be clicking "Accept" any quicker -- I hate weiner fests period and for someone to invite me to one just proves to me that said person deserves even more hate and perhaps closer scrutiny, it could probably explain why he keeps asking to sleep over at my house and keeps dropping coins in front of me so he can politely ask me to pick it up, "Slowly".

Unfortunately, I believe Facebook deems this problem to be a shot-yourself-in-the foot scenario, "You added that moron, deal with it". But it still leaves the question. "Why can I block Application invitations and Not Event/Fan Page invites?" and until that question is answered by the Great Facebook Developer(s) (who I can assure you, is probably not the uni kid who made it, because hey -- If I made the money he made, I'd be too busy worrying about which colour Ferrari to drive tomorrow) I will keep on hating Event Promoters.

and on that note, No. I don't want to become a fan of becoming a fan -- That's just taking it a little to far, and you've certainly made yourself look like an idiot now, haven't you?

I try hard to ignore them, hard enough to try and put my ear against the cold window in an attempt to deafen myself with the Jet Engine operating at high dB's outside. But alas --like most quick fix solutions in life, it does not work. Their screams penetrate even the most loudest of sounds. Some say I have the ability to hear a scream through the most loudest of noises, like construction; which is a plus if I was a cop -- but I am not, so don't scream out for help because god knows you are not getting it from me.

Anyway, back to the point of this rant. I recently heard about that Nigerian guy in the U.S. Flight bound for Detroit who tried to blow up the plane but set himself alight in the process. I reckon we are missing the point, the poor guy was probably sitting next to a baby, or a trifecta of babies (It's what I call when there's a baby to your left, a baby to your right and a baby directly in front, all crying at once. It's enough to make you wanna cry too). My guess is that he just couldn't bare with the cries anymore and just wanted to end it all and was hindered by his flame retardent pants. Unlucky for him.

Now I wouldn't go to the extreme Mr Blow-Up-A-US-Bound-Plane went too. I would just consider drowning myself in the lavatory -- There's no chance of anyone stopping you there, and it would be funny to see the headlines that News.com.au and CNN would come up with to explain it but I shouldn't have to discomfort myself to that extent to avoid a few babies and thus, brings me to my conclusion and final thought.

I do believe a Law of some sort needs to be established, or perhaps harsh restrictions about babies in the plane's cabin. Personally, I think all babies should be checked along with luggage at the Check-In and stowed in the plane's storage compartment. It's the safest place to be, It's airtight and because it's airtight; they can cry all they want to their heart's content! Most importantly, they will be safe -- after all, children are our future (and I hate them for it)

They're the ones you see coming up behind you, while their headlights bounce off your rear view mirror into your eyes. You glance down at your spedometer to make sure you didn't have a stroke and suddenly drop 30km/h in speed to account for such a loss of distance between your vehicle and theirs, only to find out that it indeed wasn't the case. When you look back again, that red Nissan Pulsar (which has quite obviously seen better days) has closed in on you and is now starting the over-taking procedure as if you doing the speed limit was a hinderance to him in someway. God forbid the Police show up to rightfully book his ass not because he's endangering the major public but because he had the nerve to overtake you, infront of your girlfriend, Who the fuck does he think he is? -- but no, he speeds on past you while you feel like an idiot, to add insult to injury hes blarring "Sexy Bitch" over his speakers which is probably worth more than the car itself.

Meanwhile you are left clutching your steering wheel, nails digging in, teeth grinding while wondering why when you speed up to overtake someone who truly is a moron by car driving standards (which isn't an exclusive club to become a member of these days), a cop somehow manages to clock you, pull you over and catch you with an unregistered vehicle along with a kidnap victim in the boot. Seems everyone else has all the luck...

God how I hate cars on the freeway who pass me... I hate them so very much.